The Reconstruction of Family Values

In the past decade, the evolution of the modern family has influenced us on every level imaginable. We’ve shifted from tolerance to acceptance of family norms that were once inconceivable. The definition of family has shifted to include different combinations of parents, with or without children. And with or without men. We are now at a tipping point where fathers are being left out of the equation. 

Before we can evaluate the effect(s) of this newly established definition, we need to consider the events that brought us to this tipping point. And as our former beliefs are challenged, we must ask ourselves, are our children facing a better world or a new kind of chaos?

Family structure is often viewed as a testament to wise choices, or in some cases, regrettable ones.  For decades, conversations have centered around who is to blame for the plight of children living in single-parent homes and the impact that family dynamics have had on society. The majority of these conversations reference the absence of a strong male figure in the household as a factor in the struggle faced by children who demonstrate a lack of impulse control and emotional self-regulation.       

The notion of the nuclear family: Dad, Mom, and 2.5 children, has given way to the ‘non-traditional’ family, which often does not include a male. Is this change in family structure the chink in the armor? According to Thomas “TJ” Smith, it very well could be. 

“We now watch and maybe even join in the conversations as the ‘nuclear family’ is attacked by the school system, in our music, and in society. Meanwhile, our children are migrants in a way, moving from home to home, situation to situation.” 

Smith is the president of GLC Daddys at Work, and Operations Director of GLTX/Daddys at Work Childcare Center in Ohio.  He acknowledges that for some families, non-traditional is the perfect choice. “Not by everyone, of course, but typically the father’s role and their leadership are looked at as misogynistic and toxic, making it a thankless job.  A strong male leader in the household is becoming extinct. an expectation that is not reflected in the [research] numbers if you look specifically for factors that are rooted in the structure of a family.” In fact, it seems that the expectation is for men to distance themselves from their children; that ‘role’ is then assumed by a grandmother or aunt trying to fill the gap.  

Smith’s company, Daddys at Work, began supporting men trying to stabilize their lives to regain the right to spend time with their children through the court system. Training, apprenticeships, transportation, and access to legal services were part of the package offered to men serious about developing their relationships with their children. The men who came seeking support appeared to be broken, shattered, and at times, bitter about a system that casts them as the villain in every story. They often wondered if the “new” family structure could still include them.

“The numbers in the research reveal that a child in a two-parent home has a 70% chance of success in school, in the workplace. If that same child were to grow up with the father only, the percentage of success would not change. However, place that same child in a home with a single mother, and the percentage drops at an alarming rate.”  The “absent father” has taken on almost a sinister persona. A label earned because they have a separate residence produces an image of someone who needs to be forced to meet their responsibilities. 

As America entered the 21st century, we proudly declared that a stronger society was possible through our acceptance of self-identification. The boundaries once set by skin color and sexual preference have blurred, which has brought about conversations and changes in our views of what it means to be a family. And yet, the description of the “absent father” seems frozen in time.  

Would the statistics be altered by introducing strong male figures into the lives of children whose family was missing that particular dynamic? If children were able to interact with strong males during their developmental years, would this tip the scale?

Smith developed the idea of owning a licensed childcare center that integrates men and women in classrooms. “The remedy is men and women working as a team toward a common goal. This used to be the basis of marriage, but that’s no longer the norm.  At our center, children are cared for by all genders. For some children, being at Daddys at Work Childcare Center is their first opportunity to encounter men and women working together, focused on creating positive experiences for the benefit of their development.”

There must be a solution that succeeds in both healing “broken” men and in developing strong children. A world where all participants are valued. It’s a concept worth considering.

*https://blackdemographics.com